memories of The Warped Mind

often people call me the 'warped mind'.
well they are not exactly wrong in saying so. surely those who know me will agree. though me being warped haven't given people much of a reason to love or hate me. things have been the way it was.

once very long ago, when i was still an animal (not that i have changed much but now i look less like them). i remember how i fixed my prey. though my memories are a bit blurred as it was a long long time ago.

vaguely i remember the darkish room. with a dusty jute carpet. and there i lied with my prey. i was a bit wild not like a tiger or a lion, who come in the open chase the prey and grab it by the neck. my wildness had always been of being scheming i would say. hiding in the dark alluring the timid innocent deer or goat for that matter.

yes she reminds me of a goat ready to be slaughtered. a goat not knowing why the butcher is being nice and feeding her well, falls in love with the butcher. starts treating him like a savior. well i wasn't even a butcher. i never feed her well.

that day reminds me of being a nameless creature hovering around a half dead goat to die and then bite in to the flesh.

the dark skin in even a darker room gleamed as a short stroke of sunlight fell from a half broken window. a trickle of sweat over the timid eyes is what i can still remember.

would look up in to the sky to see big birds with bigger wing span gliding overhead for the same goat to die. i would lick the salt and smell the body in anticipation of death in anticipation of being the first one to dig in.

though i don't remember how many years have passed by, what i remember is that the clock was ticking by. a game needs to be over in a given time or else it starts tasting stale. i didn't want to bite or bark and kill my prey rather let it die a slow death by loss of blood, love and trust. i guess i thought that this slow death will keep the flesh a bit warmer and fresher for me to savour till it lasts.

somewhere it took a long time to die and i couldn't gather courage to eat her up alive. i kept on walking around for a long time...

...the day turned in to a night and then another day but she did never die. and i could not gather courage to eat her up alive. somewhere in the middle the thirst, lust and hunger drained me away.

much later i woke up, probably after years i woke up. it seems today i woke up to see the bones of the goat scattered around and a small bit of flesh hanging from the beak of the big bird now sitting on the branch of a dead tree. with the wings folded as if a gesture of satisfaction looking at me. mocking me.

i get up start walking towards the nearby village to find another timid goat. a goat i can allure.